Would You Buy This Novel?

Posted: October 15, 2014 in Writing
Tags: , , , , , , ,


So, now I know you’re not supposed to include the entire synopsis in your initial query letter.  It was still a valuable exercise writing it; I may need it later.  My understanding of the Mysterious Query Letter has grown slightly, however.  I now understand that the point is, literally, to answer the question, “Why would I want to read your book?”

They say the first 100 words of your book is “the hook.”  If so, then the query letter is the bait.

So here I am with revision #1 of the query letter for The Last Princess.  Comments welcome.

Dear [Agent],

I’m writing to you because I read you are seeking middle grade fantasy novels with strong female characters [or other appropriate specifics].

Twelve-year-old Cat Brökkenwier wishes her world was just a bit more like her favorite books. But life as a homeschooler has depressingly few faeries or castles. And her mom has made it abundantly clear: if Cat gets caught daydreaming one more time there will be Consequences.

But Cat has a secret. She sees elves and goblins among people the way her friends see elephants and pirate ships among the clouds. Mrs. Dalyrimple, the strange old lady at the craft fair, says that’s because the fae were real, and Cat can see their descendants because she’s one of them. Oh yeah, and since Cat has this fae-dar she could become the last Princess of the Fae. All she has to do is learn everything there is to know about the fae-born hiding among us and win their hearts before another, more sinister candidate beats her to it. Or worse, before her mother finds out.

The Last Princess is a funny, adventurous quest story full of lively multi-cultural characters and tough choices. Complete at 65,000 words, The Last Princess is the beginning of a five-book series or a stand-alone book, and will appeal to fans of Emily Windsnap or The Sisters Grimm.

Thank you for your consideration.

  1. I think your hook is perfect. I actually think you have the premise of the story down perfectly and it’s very catchy. I’d consider this version. Best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You had me at Fae-dar.

    Liked by 1 person

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