What’s the Word for Ecstatic/Terrified?

We have officially taken the plunge.

Okay, we have officially dipped the tip of our big toe in. Yay! (That’s the “ecstatic” part.)

My daughter and I sent out our first agent query letter. Just the one. It turns out this is much more difficult than sending out your manuscript to critiquers or beta readers or even co-workers or family members. Because 1) you can still fix your manuscript, and 2) because none of them are (presumably) holding your writing career in the palm of their hands. Well, technically they’re holding your manuscript, so they are. But I mean they aren’t (probably) in a position to propel you to fame or reject you with a form letter.

Agents are different than mere mortal readers. And they have the power to do this even before you send them your actual manuscript. So cheeky! But they nevertheless hold the keys to the traditional publishing kingdom. So it pays to make a good impression.

The problem – as with all first impressions – is that you only get one. You fail to impress a prospective agent with either your query or your proposal, and you can cross them off your list. No second chances.

That’s the “terrified” part.

I mean, how do I know if we’re doing it right? We expect to get rejected. Repeatedly. Even if our book is brilliant and commercial and just what the market is craving, it won’t be right for every agent’s list, or the right time, or too close to something they just accepted last week. So there will be plenty of No’s before we get to a Yes. If we do. But what if all of the No’s are because the book is awful? Or worse, what if the book is great, but the query is awful?

It’s entirely possible some sweet and thoughtful agent will take the time to write a note telling us why they rejected us and how to fix it. But how many “perfect fit” agents will we have ruined our chances with before that happens?

What is the word for ecstatic/terrified? I think it’s “query.”